Submission and Jealousy
Jealousy is a negative emotion and can cause a great deal of trouble in a relationship. Jealousy can rip a relationship apart if it gets out of control and jealousy may cause us to lose our partner. Losing them is the very thing we are most afraid of when we are jealous, is it not?
We have the right to feel jealous. How we express jealousy is another matter. We do not have the right to control another's actions with jealousy. We do not have the right to attack our partner out of jealousy. We DO have the right to express our feelings in a positive manner. We DO have the right to be heard. We DO have the right to have our feelings validated by our partner.
Jealousy might seem like a sign of love. But when someone uses anger or jealousy to try to control what you do, this isn't love or submission - it's control. Everyone has the right to talk to anyone they want to. It also isn't in keeping with the tradition of being a submissive to use jealousy to control another's actions.
On the flip side:
No one should purposely provoke jealousy in a partner. That is a dangerous game to play. It is the Doms job to create an atmosphere of safety for his submissive and a submissive should never provoke jealousy in her Dom as it is her job to demonstrate that she is loyal and cannot be had by another who happens along.
If on the other hand you do care for your relationship and want to keep the relationship on track and moving in a positive direction then use a NAME statement to address the behavior. The NAME statement shows respect for your partner and is very specific. This kind of communication puts the emphasis on what you see and what you feel, not on blame toward your partner. The NAME statement is explained below:
N - name the specific behavior that you find causes you to feel jealous
A - announce the specific setting … time & place the behavior occurred
M - mention your reaction & the feeling it arouses in you
E - explain and own your feelings
Example without a NAME statement: "You're such a flirt. You always pay attention to other women more than you do me."
Rephrased with a NAME statement: " When you flirt with other women, I feel frustrated and I worry that you find others attention more appealing than mine."
Example without a NAME statement: "You never pay any attention to me. All you do is watch TV and ignore me."
Rephrased with a NAME statement: "When you watch TV during dinner I feel left out and lonely. I feel ignored and I feel you don't enjoy my company anymore."
Below are a couple of links to short articles regarding jealousy. I do suggest you read them.
This is a jealousy test. I took it and it's fabulous!! It customizes the test according to gender and sexual preference. I learned a bit about myself and jealousy just by taking it.
Jealousy Test HERE
These are links to articles I've read on the subject of jealousy. Only through learning can we better ourselves.
Jealousy and Insecurity
Jealousy, the Green eyed Monster
Sexuality.org-Jealousy
Good luck on your journey,
Cerina
all copyrights reserved by Cerina and Submissive Loving
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